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revolution_again
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Name: Dani
Country: United States
State: Wisconsin
Gender: Female
Interests: Extreme sports, Going back to school AGAIN, Chicago, Singing, Driving my ghetto cruiser, COFFEE, rollercoasters, Landmark Education, psychiatry, people, talking, books, rollerblading, biking, sports, tennis, dance, DDR...COFFEE... Starbucks, bar hopping, triathlons, weight lifting, swimming, diving, HOCKEY, dancing on bars, being crazy, CHICAGO, DePaul University, partying my ass off.... having fun.
Expertise: I enjoy sarcasm, intellectual banter, a cynical and realistic look on life, and sushi. I freak out when something makes me happy, cry when I'm sad, and carry life's baggage in stride. I enjoy people, my cell phone and romance. Randomness is key in life, and i don't believe in taking things too seriously. I'm obsessed with Ireland, born in Australia, and i love adventure. I love to be a party girl, yet fall asleep often. ;)
Occupation: Barista (Starbucks), Student
Industry: Starbucks
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  islander2185
MSN: islander2185@hotmail.com
Member Since:
11/20/2005
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| I have a new blog. If you're nice, maybe i'll let you in on it. ;)
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| Hmm. I'm still extremely vegetative at this point in my life. This point being the past few days.
Actually, rewind that -- went to Green Bay for my birthday, worked for
a few days, and then came back up to Green Bay to hang out...
Set some boundaries with the people in my life... mainly the males.. as
far as it not being adequate time for a relationship.. it's just not. I
know the way it would play out, I'd fall into victim mode, whatever...
I know my patterns, I know the games I play, and maybe I'm not
emotionally ready to give them up.
So anyway, auditioned for FAME last night, which was an amazingly
wonderful experience. I'm glad to just be a small part of it, and it's
going to be a nice time filler... I'm just excited for the dancing,
much less just getting my foot in the theatrical spinning door again...
getting to sing, dance, act... it's all good.
Student loans and other various minor expenses are driving me into the
hole, but that's nothing new... also rekindled my great relationship
with my dentist... and found out i'm facing a possible TWO bridges...
and other small issues to surmount that are still just rebuilding
dental work. Whateva.
Work is. Life is. That's about all. | | |
| Hinder has an amazing song.. "Better than me..."
I've come to reflect on a lot in these past weeks. Various things in my
life... no real startling revelations in the big scope of things, but
big revelations in my life.
I'm still sore and bitter... and I realized I'm very much adverse to
dating at this point in my life... The fact that it's been a filler for
a lot of things... And I'm tired of it.
So I'm not. Dating that is. I have my friends, and my male friends, but
for once in my life, I am not trying to figure out which person would
make a good relationship, or what I need to be doing, who I should be
BEING...
I'd rather be me. I'd rather be exactly where I am right now,
emotionally, mentally, physically, wholistically. I'm where I am for a
reason.
My recent action has been a total social withdrawl. I've realized I
totally withdrew from my friends and my life (again) dating Jeff... and
became consumed... right now I'm withdrawing for a different reason.
I'm trying to regroup. Emotionally, mentally, I feel unstable. I feel
unpredictable, like a raw edge, tempermental and ready to explode at
the next second.
I want to get my feet on the ground again. I have a lot of things I
need to figure out -- I've been jumping into relationships thinking
it'd all come clear or work itself out.... when it's things I need to
work out PRIOR to a relationship.
I figure anyone who is really seeking after my heart, will have the respect to wait until I'm ready. And I'm not. | | |
| "Chronic bronchitis, on the other hand, can be mild to
severe and is longer lasting — from several months to years. With
chronic bronchitis, the bronchial tubes continue to be inflamed (red
and swollen), irritated, and produce excessive mucus over time. The
most common cause of chronic bronchitis is smoking."
Fuuuuuck. So I have bronchitis... and it sucks. And since i'm staying with M, he now has bronchitis too...
On my way to FISC today, time to begin consolidating debt and doing such jazzy things like that. Meeting M's mom for lunch, etc... then gradually heading back to She-vegas...
I haven't decided if I'll call in to work tomorrow or not yet. I called in yesterday as I could barely breathe and talk without coughing.... I'm hoping tomorrow will be better...
Aye. Time to lay down again.
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| Called my therapist today... Set up an appointment.
Mailed my saxophone to California.
Changed my US Cellular plan.
Sat down with M and made a list of expenses & debt vs income.
Went out to lunch at Perkins with M, and actually felt like eating. Sort of.
I've just been stuck in this incredibly apathetic rut. I didn't realize
it. The last time I tried to cold turkey my meds was just before my dad
died... which made me crash even harder. And this time there was
rammifications too.
It's not the split between Jeff and I that's been the hardest... it's
been simply not caring that we were going downhill. There were things
that I could have done on my part too, but I didn't care.
So I want to get to the point where I care again. I have a few things
that I care about at least partially... I love my job... I love my
friends...
Fuck... I've walked away from this computer twice now... I don't really feel any real desire to finish this entry...
For the past few days I've been pushing thoughts out of my head...
pushing past thinking about Jeff, about the past two months, mom's
surgery, how I've let myself slide and stopped caring about myself...
M took my wallet, keys, and cigarettes today so I couldn't go anywhere
or smoke... forced to just stop, relax, watch tv and just rest.... I
haven't done that in weeks... or longer. I've been too busy numbing out
by filling every inch of free time with an activity, a person,
something to cut me off...
Fuck. I have all these people that I feel I should call -- to say
various things... like shit I promised I'd do, and I just don't want to
do it... Micelyn and the vitamins, the student loan people -- they're
in another boat entirely... I hate the debt situation. But it's not as
bad as it's seemed... surprisingly it's a bit more manageable that I
thought. Thank God. When I sat down and reviewed all of it with M, I
found that I can afford monthly payments and get that going...
Blah. I have a headache, I'm sleeping, and my apathy is kicking in hardcore. | | |
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